Black & White & Read All Over

Family at work & school, fave longe on Radio, dancing naked in the room, WHO’S GONNA STOP ME? :D

One moment i’m fine…. The next, i’m completely lost. Wtf am I doing? Wtf have I done?

You and me baby we’re nothing but mammals, let’s do it like they do on the discovery channel.

sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex hahahahaha

okay so I’m actually not horny. I just like to talk about sex. I don’t know why. :)

My boyfriend is really a sweetheart. Hahaha

Sometimes I just feel so twitterpated I have to open a cheesy over the top harlequin pink graphic novel.
yes. I admit it. I am totally head over heels in love with my boyfriend. even when he fervently clicks his computer mouse at 9am on a Saturday. even when he freaks out about forgetting Silverware. Even when he awkwardly rips his pants in the most classically comical way. Even when his stupid cat sits on my face. Even when I get a little lonely or jealous. even when his apartment is messy.
especially when he tells me how much he likes me. especially when he bikes to my dorm room late at night just to give me a hug. especially when he lets me word vomit all of my stress into his lap. especially when he kisses me on the forehead. especially when he looks at me with his oh so obvious “i would love to have sex with you, you’re really turning me on right now” but still he only gently asks, never begs. especially when we laugh for hours talking about random things. especially when he gets serious about what he really wants out of Life. especially when he looks out for me. especially when he is with me and gives me all of his attentions. especially when he is so humble. especially when he cooks for me. especially because he always says what he mmeans and he always means what he says.

yes. I am madly in love with my boyfriend.

It’s in the am and I’m lying here in my bed ready to type away my regrets and fears, my failures and tears, the expectations that resonate in my ears.

And.

There is nothing.

Not even a cobweb lines my insides. There is nothing. I am empty. No bad feelings and no good feelings.

I suppose this is good… Night.

What you see what you feel what you hear. That’s what you know.

Everything else, that’s what you don’t.

There are times in a person’s life when they are everything they ought to be. There are times in a person’s life when they are nearly everything they want to be. There are times when what they want and what they ought are the same. And there are times when they are different.

What a person “ought” to be is based off of what an individual believes is expected of them by other people.

What they

I AM A FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. I WILL GIVE YOU MY FALSE SMILE. AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY FAKE LAUGH. AND I’M PRETTY DAMN GOOD AT IT. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. BUT NOT ANYMORE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. LIVING A LIE IS A LOT OF WORK. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. AND I’M LAZY. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. AND NOW, I HAVE VERY LITTLE “FRIENDS” LEFT. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. PROBABLY BECAUSE SOMETIME ALONG THE LINE, IT STOPPED BEING REAL, AND STARTED BEING FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. AND NOW I CAN’T LIE ANYMORE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. A DIFFERENT KIND OF LIE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. THE KIND PEOPLE LIKE TO DO TO THEMSELVES. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. I WAS A LIAR. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. BUT NOT ANYMORE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE.  THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. BUT THERE IS TRUTH SOMEWHERE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. IT’S JUST BURIED UNDER ALL THE FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. I AM FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. I WILL LIE TO YOUR FACE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. I WILL SMILE TO YOUR FACE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. I WILL FAKE A LAUGH FOR YOU. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. BUT I WILL NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. I WILL FAKE A SAD EXPRESSION FOR YOU. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE.  BUT I CANNOT COMFORT YOU. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FOR VERY FEW I AM REAL. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FOR EVERYONE ELSE, I AM FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. 

I never realised, how many times I make trades.

Every day I trade convenience for security. It would be so much easier to get in and out if the doors were always unlocked.

The final thoughts, the fleeting images and words that cross your mind before you go to sleep, since I can remember, mine have always been the same.
The twisted kinky version of Disney’s happily ever after. When I was young I’d write the afterward for any movie or story book. Pairing off all the individuals, giving them what I wanted. As I got older it got more… Detailed… And older more, less happily ever after and more, happy now… I’d fit in real people, the things I’d do to them.

I know I’m perverse, but for the record, I never jacked off, it just was something that I could dream about and not think of anything else. Something I always could go to….

In anycase, there’s always been a dream, that I dream before I go to sleep… A fantasy…

But now… There isn’t anything. I mean there is, but it’s what I have…

How fucking lucky. :)

I feel jaded. 

And do you know what they do?
They sell your information. From site to site. They sell your personal information and it gets posted and re posted

opportunities feel like obligations.

i’m late for everything.

it takes me hours to get up in the morning, not because I’m tired but because I have nothing to be excited about.

I know it should feel like opportunities, but it feels like obligations.

We convince ourselves we’ll never be like our parents, and then we are.

Sixxy’s gone for the weekend, Thomas is gone for the weekend, Lexi is out drinking, and my fish just died.

I feel a little lonely…. 

The perfectionist in me desperately wants to edit and erase all of my past posts.  Pretend those things that I wrote never existed. 
Amusingly, the perfectionist in me has become considerably weak.  I used to have trouble accepting myself, well my past self, my mistakes, my wrongs…  Now, they’re the sort of things that make me… They have guided me, sort of…  

I think one of the most painful feelings is guilt and one of the free-est is forgiveness.

Maybe that’s why so many past alcoholics and drug addicts turn to god through the twelve step.

Maybe the thought that, even if they are unable to forgive themselves, someone already has.

Forgiving oneself feels nice, it’s so much nicer than all those negative words, discouragement, disappointment, shame, and worry. 

I guess that’s all I have to say for now.

Just tell that perfectionist in you, to shut up.  And feel a bit more peace.